


Old Wounds

by pigfartsstudent (LoopyLiesey)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-15
Updated: 2014-01-15
Packaged: 2018-01-08 19:23:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1136445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoopyLiesey/pseuds/pigfartsstudent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During their stay at Grimmauld Place in Harry's fifth year, Remus and Sirius talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Old Wounds

**Author's Note:**

> This is set during OotP, when everyone has left after the summer for school or work or for whatever reason, so Remus and Sirius are the only ones in the house. 
> 
> I originally posted this on tumblr, and was written as a request for johnlockedstargazerinthetardis when I was taking requests for reaching 200 followers.

“We were happy, weren’t we?”

The question hangs in the air, and Remus frowns.

“No, Sirius. We weren’t happy at all. Not in the end,” he replies, touching Sirius’s arm softly. Sirius closes his eyes at the touch. He doesn’t know what it is, perhaps it was being in this awful house, but he was feeling so nostalgic about everything. He wants to remember good things, things the Dementors had taken away from him, things he hasn’t thought about for years.

“We loved each other,” Sirius says. Remus nods.

“Yes. But we weren’t happy. You didn’t trust me, though you never said it. I knew. I didn’t blame you. I’m a dark creature-”

“No! Remus, no,” Sirius says, shaking his head, reaching and taking the hand Remus still had laying on his other arm, “That wasn’t – I mean…”

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Remus says, “That’s the past, we can’t do anything about it.” Remus takes his hand away from Sirius’s arm, standing up, Sirius watching his every move as he crosses the room. As Remus reaches the doorway, he turns around.

“I’m going to bed. Goodnight, Sirius. I’ll see you in the morning.” Remus leaves the room, leaves Sirius sitting on his own.

Sirius misses Harry. Harry, at Hogwarts, having to deal with so much more than a fifteen year old boy should. It makes Sirius remember what he was like as a fifteen year old boy. At that point he’d already figured out his feelings for Remus, though he hadn’t done anything about it. Not yet.

Remus… so many years had gone by, and Sirius knows that Remus probably no longer has any feelings for him. Not after believing for thirteen years that he had betrayed them all. But Sirius still loves Remus. He will always love Remus. Remus, who had readily agreed to move into Grimmauld Place with him, so he wasn’t alone. Remus, who yelled at him when he first turned up on his doorstep at Dumbledore’s orders, asking what on earth he was thinking, asking why he was so reckless, so worried about Sirius.

Remus, who was still taking care of Sirius. Remus, who was upstairs, in a bedroom in Sirius’s house.

Sirius stands up, and leaves the room, letting himself not think about it, but just be guided by his emotions, like he has so often, even though the last time it did, Peter got away. This wasn’t like that though.

He doesn’t knock at the bedroom door, just opens it. Remus is standing in the middle of the room, pulling off his shirt, and Sirius gasps. The scars… so many news scars, that Sirius knows he never saw, though most of his memories including Remus without a shirt have disappeared or darkened in his mind.

There’s silence as Remus and Sirius stare at each other.

“You never did learn to knock, did you, Padfoot?” Remus says, shaking his head as he pulls his pajama top on, and starts buttoning it up. As he does the top button up, Sirius moves across the room and takes Remus’s hands in his.

“Sirius, please…”

“No, Moony.”

The top button becomes undone, and Sirius starts to stroke his hand softly across the gashes on Remus’ chest. Remus closes his eyes as he does so, remembering how Sirius used to do this in the past, and knows what’s coming next, just before Sirius presses his lips against the scar right over his heart.

“Sirius…”

Sirius pulls away from Remus, and cocks his head to the side, a question in his eyes. Remus swallows before nodding his head, and then Sirius’s warm lips are over his own, kissing him hungrily, Sirius’s arms tight around Remus, as if letting him go would cause him to drown. For a moment, Remus feels eighteen again, thinks he is in the old flat with Sirius, expecting James to turn up at any moment but neither of them caring.

But then Remus remembers where they are, what has happened since being eighteen, and he’s pushing Sirius away, shaking his head.

“No, no,” Remus mutters, “Sirius, we can’t.”

“I need this,” Sirius says, pleads, “I need to feel something again. I need this, I need you. Please.”

“I can’t do this. Not again,” Remus says, “I’m sorry, Sirius, but I can’t.” Sirius looks at Remus for a few seconds, before turning around and leaving the room. Remus watches him leave, before he sits down on the bed. He hates hurting Sirius, but he can’t go back there. Things had ended so badly the last time… terribly… he couldn’t reopen those old wounds.  


End file.
